It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.