it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.