I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?