I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend