he puts the penis in happiness.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...