omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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