Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
