thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
