remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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