dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
