I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We are all done wearing pants today
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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