She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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