giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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