she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
