remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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