I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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