No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
