we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
