By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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