Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
