worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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