yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
