so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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