I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
