he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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