Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
