Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
