i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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