Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
