I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
