I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
