Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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