Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
