we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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