I want to have your abortion
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
