its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
