So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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