Your mouth is God's brothel.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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