She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
