so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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