At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
