ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
