Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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