Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
