and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
