I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize