We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
