So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
