My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
