I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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