At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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