My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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