I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
