My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
