so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want a musical about memes.
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