I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
