I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
