I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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