i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
