My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Farmville is her only friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
